I often recount this personal example in my sessions. I have always been a foodie. Quite often, after a hard day’s work, while on my way back to home, I would treat myself with some or the other junk food delight, as a celebration for work well done.
I would do this once a week. On feeling like having it more often, I told myself: What’s the harm if I have it one more time? I graduated to devouring these items, twice a week. And as you might have guessed by now, it didn’t stop at that either. I was not surprised, when for a brief period of time, I found myself having some or the other roadside delicacy every single evening.
This is how desire works. Common sense suggests a certain sequence of events – a desire is aroused, you satiate the desire and you are done. This is true, until it becomes false. True because it works in the short term – you transcend the desire for the time being. False because your being is now conditioned with one more iteration of the desire. And with every such iteration, the desire is going to exert a little extra force upon you the next time around. This is how temptations turn into addictions. Satiating the desire mindlessly provoked it yet more.
As with desire, so with emotions. Anger is troublesome. Anger when vented gives you relief. But this relief, though it serves its short-term purpose, is transient. Your being is etched with one more episode of anger, predisposing you to becoming angry a little quicker the next time around. And the intensity of the long term damage is higher than the gains from the short-term relief. Imagine what can happen to you with multiple eruptions of anger, for years together. Your temperament changes for the worse. You become irritated at the drop of a hat. And in case of stronger triggers, you become almost reflexive in your outburst.
In my late twenties, I was a victim of this vicious circle for many years. Until I understood that just like other things in life, venting anger, that was so functional in the short term became dysfunctional in the long term. Instant gratification wasn’t worth it – particularly when it came to anger. Anger is known to perpetuate itself, until it becomes really nasty. That happened with me. I almost hit the nadir until I reversed my gears. I learnt it the hard way. But why should you? A wise person, when he finds others falling into a pit, takes a detour. Do not fall into the pit, take a detour. Don’t vent your anger, just breathe it away.
