All groups – say a family or a group of friends or colleagues – are often comprised of people of all personality types. Some are assertive, some are easy-going, these being the two broad categories.
When such a group comes together to decide upon something, the dynamics are interesting. Sometimes the naturally assertive people dilute their stand to make room for the interests of others and the naturally non-assertive people speak up their minds to show participation or to prove their presence. And then they come to some consensus which is more of a middle ground. This is an unnatural way to form consensus because it results in inner discontent for all. There is a possibility that the assertive finds the decision less than optimal and the easy-going feels guilty that he got the assertive to change his heart or that he himself had to exercise assertion, which is not in line with his authentic self.
The ideal way to bring consensus is for the assertive to forge ahead with the proposed plans and the easy-going to go with the flow as far as possible. Both should be comfortable playing their roles. Rather than move forward and change yourself to become a bit like the other person, it’s better to retreat and be more of what you already are. The way out is ‘in’.
There are also some tricky situations when a non-assertive feels that the ‘right’ decision must be taken in a certain situation and it’s better not to flow with what he sees as the ‘wrong’ suggestion as proposed by the assertive . In such a scenario, the non-assertive may present their viewpoints in their typical polite (and preferably confident) way and leave it at that. There is a great chance that the decision might be swayed towards the assertive, influenced by his ostentatious delivery. But so what? So be it! The non-assertive should be at ease with it rather than boil within that his was not done. Who knows how the decision pans out in the larger scheme of things? In life, bad is always changing into good and wrong is always changing into right.
It is the job of the non-assertive to flow and the job of the assertive to forge the path. These are nothing but the feminine and masculine energies doing their part or water and fire performing their function. Water and Fire are opposites and each has a role to play. Water shouldn’t try to become like fire nor vice versa. It doesn’t work that way.
Rather water should become more authentically water and fire should become more authentically fire. This is the trick to transcend the shackles of your nature, if at all you are struggling to be different from how you are. And also the secret to all types of group decision-making and conflict resolution.
