We have two sides to our being: our soul and our personality. When it comes to relationships, our soul thrives on unconditional love and our personality thrives on our sense of judgement and discernment.
While everybody’s soul is divine, their personalities may or may not be so. People are good or bad human beings. More specifically, they may be good or bad for us and our well-being even if they are not generally so. Discerning the same in advance can save us much drama and heartburn later.
Figuring another out and thereby determining our proximity or distance from the person is what boundaries are largely about. With generally more empathetic or selfless people, one can afford to have relaxed boundaries or less boundaries; while with less empathetic or malicious people one is better off with more boundaries or zero contact.
More boundaries or zero contact feels like the very antithesis of love but it need not be. One’s soul can continue displaying unconditional love for another even while one’s personality chooses to draw boundaries. The two can co-exist. Such an individual is at one level free of any emotionally-invested judgement and at another level capable of wise judgement.
Such a relationship where boundaries are in place without any negative judgement for another may not look like a lovey-dovey relationship in the conventional sense of the term but it can yet be rooted in unconditional love. Because it is for the soul to love not necessarily for the personality. The personality can choose to either demonstrate human love and less boundaries or demonstrate human caution and more boundaries. That doesn’t take away the soul’s capacity to simultaneously come from unconditional love.
It takes some level of evolution to be able to station the soul in love while the personality chooses to guard itself through self-respecting boundaries. It however is not an impossible harmonisation.
However because it is a relatively tough harmonisation between the two, one often finds two types of people. Those who end up loving another or at least try to love another without any boundaries for self or those who erect too many boundaries and successfully protect themselves but can’t manage to love another enough. The former somewhat succeed in other-love and the latter in self-love. The former get along with others but find their own selves missing. The latter find their own selves somewhat but find a connection with others missing. Each case is only a partial accomplishment.
The former are hungry for love and low on self-respect. The latter are pushy of love and high on ego. It is only the one who can practise both love as well as boundaries who is neither hungry for love nor high on ego but is coming from love and is high on self-respect. Strive to be such a person.The only real accomplishment is to be able to practise other-love while practising self-love.
